today...
He would have celebrated a 14th birthday in February. He'd be heading into high school in the fall. Would he be dark haired like his brother? Or look like me? Would he be quiet, funny, outgoing, shy, athletic or a bookworm? How can I ache with longing to hold a child I never got to see? How could I ever move past this one single decision in my life? Will he embrace me, accept me and forgive me, the day we begin living eternity together? These are all questions that roll over me like an ocean wave on this day, and many others, each year.
I'm humbled by God's forgiveness on the cross; that I could make such a choice in my life and He still calls me His child. Without His watchful eye over me, on my darkest days, I wouldn't be here today. Without His love, I couldn't stand under the weight of what I choose. Without Him sending amazing women into my life, I may have never faced this decision.
Today, I can stand before Him with no shame, no guilt. He took that from me and placed it on Himself. Today, I can share my story, openly freely, in hope that it will help others find healing from the decision of abortion. Today, I can love my children instead of pushing them away in shame. Today, that ocean wave can roll over me, bringing up questions and sadness without drowning me.
Today...I can remember Caleb Matthew.
I'm humbled by God's forgiveness on the cross; that I could make such a choice in my life and He still calls me His child. Without His watchful eye over me, on my darkest days, I wouldn't be here today. Without His love, I couldn't stand under the weight of what I choose. Without Him sending amazing women into my life, I may have never faced this decision.
Today, I can stand before Him with no shame, no guilt. He took that from me and placed it on Himself. Today, I can share my story, openly freely, in hope that it will help others find healing from the decision of abortion. Today, I can love my children instead of pushing them away in shame. Today, that ocean wave can roll over me, bringing up questions and sadness without drowning me.
Today...I can remember Caleb Matthew.
kirsten, thank you for telling us about Caleb Matthew. We will look forward to greeting him someday. God bless you, dear one.
ReplyDeleteGod's grace is amazing...and your courage to share this is amazing too! I do not know the pain of what you have gone through, but I do know a similar pain. I miscarried my baby before I ever got to meet him. I named my baby Matthew. What we do have in common is God's grace to get through it...truly is amazing grace! Thank you so much for sharing your story of redemption and healing! May God continue to use you in MIGHTY ways to hold others' hands and lead them to his healing as well!
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